WONDERELLA
Wonderella, there are some who say you are a poor role model for young women and aspiring super heroines the world over. How do you respond to such criticism?

Wonderella: I’m a great role model! It’s everyone else who sucks. Have you *seen* Spawn? He looks like someone sprayed acid on his face and put it out with a goddamn backhoe. Plus, he’s Canadian. Next question.

With your hard-drinking, hard-partying ways, is it only a matter of time before we see you on Girls Gone Wild?

Wonderella: My PR monkeys were worried about that, so they gave me a special pen that only writes if my BAC is under .8.

Whatever happened to the pig you rescued from the farmer?

Wonderella: It was mostly gristle.

I can see why you wear the cape, but what’s up with the tiara?

Wonderella: So like, princesses have tiaras? That is what I am, and so that is what I wear. How many more questions like this you got?

Isn’t throwing a truck at a criminal going a bit too far?

Wonderella: I didn’t WANT to go too far. That’s why I threw a truck.

JOKERELLA
Jokerella, why have you and Hitlerella never teamed up to bring down Wonderella? Do the two of you have some sort of rivalry?

Jokerella: This one time I asked Hitlerella if she wanted to have a team-up and I thought she shook my hand, but she was just giving me her old gum to throw away. I guess she thought I was the help or something.

HITLERELLA
What is it about Wonderella that makes you want to be her arch-nemesis?

Hitlerella: It’s in my DNA. “Must Destroy Wonderella.” See, I just said that. I wasn’t even trying, it just came out.

You seem like more of the murder and mayhem type of villain than a bank robbing one. How do you continue to finance the death machines for your continuing rampages?

Hitlerella: I actually have a neighborhood recycling program — area teenagers bring in cash and electronic devices, and I give them the antidote for whatever I’ve added to the school’s water supply that week. Children are very resourceful.

Do you find it difficult to maintain your beliefs of Aryan supremacy in a world that’s more homogenized than the one you were genetically engineered in?

Hitlerella: I guess so. I don’t know. We’ll see how this election goes.

It seems almost all of your time and energy is dedicated to destroying Wonderella. What will you do with yourself after achieving this goal?

Hitlerella: I never really thought of that. I’d probably clone another Wonderella to kill. Or maybe open a little coffeeshop.

Do you have any advice for the aspiring fascists out there who one day hope to rule the world with an iron fist?

Hitlerella: Learn the native language of the dominant society. I’ve been taking Chinese lessons, for example.

WONDERITA
What aspirations do you have beyond being Wonderella’s sidekick?

Wonderita: Hmm?

Is it hard to keep Wonderella under control during her binges given that she has superstrength?

Wonderita: Oh, she’s a pretty sleepy drunk. Well, first she’s an angry drunk, and then she’s a violent drunk, and then she’s a “Vomiting mollusk after mollusk while you wait on the line with Animal Control” kind of drunk. But eventually, she’s a sleepy drunk.

PATRIANNA
There have been allegations that you used performance enhancing drugs to gain your awesome superpowers. Would you care to address that?

Patrianna: Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve never played professional baseball.

You seem to be the most uptight of the superheroines. What do you do for fun?

Patrianna: I prefer the term “in control” to “uptight”. As for your question, I’m in the military, so fun is generally contracted out to a private organization.

QUEEN BEETLE
Black super heroes have come a long way since Luke Cage first donned his silk shirt and silver headband. Has it been hard for you to escape the stigma of the past?

Queen Beetle: I’d imagine racism in the superhero world is akin to that the medical world. A dying man won’t make you count the bubbles in a bar of soap before you save his life, but there’s still a dismal level of distrust among a certain segment of the population.

How did you get your spectacular beetle-related powers?

Queen Beetle: You know, it’s funny… I don’t recall! It’s almost as if I don’t have an origin story yet! That’s ridiculous, though. Perhaps at a later date I’ll remember.

PENUMBRA
Do you ever feel out of place being a magic-based hero in a world dominated by capes?

Penumbra: I am literally out of place, as I am only in contact with the ethereal plane.

GENERAL QUESTIONS
What made you choose superheroism/villainy over a normal career field such as being a lawyer or doctor?

Wonderella: Doctors and lawyers have to take full responsibility whenever they cock things up. We have the government to do that.

Queen Beetle: Yes, there actually is a Federal Department of Apology. Lately they’ve been working overtime though, so we still have to watch ourselves.

What has been your most embarrassing career moment?

Wonderella: I died.

Patrianna: I’m guessing all of our most embarrassing moments involve Wonderella at one point or other.

Do you feel a sense of competition from other heroes/villains?

Queen Beetle: You have to get past that sort of thing when countless lives are on the line. You can’t just stand there like some perverse volleyball game, waiting to see if the person next to you has got it.

Wonderita: Yeah, it’s not like volleyball.

We’ve seen that pyromaniacs, Norse gods, home improvement store clerks, and really tiny men are off the table for dating and relationships, so what would your ideal man be?

Patrianna: Someone in the military.

Queen Beetle: Someone who’s willing to debate whether Francis Bacon is responsible for Shakespeare’s Sonnets, but not be a jerk about it.

Wonderella: The caterer looked pretty clean.

If you could team up with one other hero or villain, who would it be?

Queen Beetle: We were instructed by our lawyers before this interview not to use actual names of existing heroes, but we all agreed that anyone whose name *sounds like* Bolverine, Fiss Farvel or Japtain Jamerica would be an honor to work with.

Where you all see yourselves in 10 years?

Wonderella: Probably giving the ten-year retrospective of this piece of crap

Finally, are you doing anything tonight, Hitlerella?

Hitlerella: Sorry, I’ve decided to stay clear of interests here in the United States. A melting pot always has some clumps at the bottom.